Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
