you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
