I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
