Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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