At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
