I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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