Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
