I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
