Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
