Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
