I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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