Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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