I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
