I should be sponsored by Trojan
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
