I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
