I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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