True but thats because hes a fetus.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
