He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
