U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
