We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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