so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
