so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
