I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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