I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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