I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
