Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
