I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
