I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
