At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
