Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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