ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
