you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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