During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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