I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize