what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
