I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
