ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
