the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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