So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
