I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wanna passion pit in your ass
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
