just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize