so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
