I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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