In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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