Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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