Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
