I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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