Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
