No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
