I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
