Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
