i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
