there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
