Please, let me fuck your mom
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
