Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it hurts more in the daytime
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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