so that wasnt chicken after all
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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