I got chris browned last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
