That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
