its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
