i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
