I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
