mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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