my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
