as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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