If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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