I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
