Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
