So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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